winter getaway with my little one

in an effort to separate the kids a bit more and to get some alone time with them (when they come as a pair you don’t evr really get that unless you make it) i came up with an idea to take each kid away for an overnight somewhere. and then lani will do the same. so the first overnight is gonna be in a few weeks on the 27/28!  i’m taking kyiz to one of my favorite places, MASS MoCA! we are gonna stay overnight at porches and spend some time in kid space at MassMoCA as well as the williamstown.museum. i’m super excited about it. i hope she has a blast!

tgif, right?

and…GO SAINTS!!!!!

one day (minute) at a time

now that things have settled down a bit from holiday madness, we are spending some time re-adjusting as a family. with the adoption making EVERYTHING more real, we are poring through books and articles re: behavior, attachments, auditory processing delays, and the like. now that both kids have had a core evaluation for public school, and both are going to be on IEPs, we are trying to be proactive about their goals and treatment plans while still balancing all of their therapies with as much fun as possible. and sadly, and often, fun is momentary. fun happens spontaneously for us and is usually quickly drowned out by a meltdown, argument, tantrum, or just resistance. it’s the world’s biggest challenge for me to not become stoic, frustrated, and hapless in the face of what sometimes seems and feels like a never ending uphill battle.

i was introduced to a program called Beyond.Consequences at my last job – an approach to working with children with disrupted placements and attachment issues. the theory is that nothing but love will help these kids. and that the trauma response in the brain, beginning so early on, is constantly triggered thereby causing these kids to function in fight or flight mode most of the time. obviously it’s more eloquently written about in the book. point being, logical and parent imposed consequences will not ever work. and will only lead to a battle of wills. and our kids will won that battle because, well, it’s survival for them. so, i’m reading the book for my family but also for my job and teaching some trainings for foster parents in our program based on the books. lani and i are regrouping and trying to re frame what we do in our house. we are also realizing that our kids function as twins because they are so close in age and so it’s been helpful to read some literature on twin interactions and behavior issues. we are also dealing with some learning issues for kyiz, so, we  may introduce sign language (lani is fluent ASL) to help her with processing verbal information.

so, it’s a lot. and it’s lifelong. and it’s exhausting. trying to remember that your kid is on a primal level acting out of fear when he is throwing his bowl of cereal on the florr because he is “angry.” at least he’s naming his feelings now. but his actions in relation to that anger is often to throw, kick, and hit. and no amount of time outs works. hence the whole theory behind beyond consequences.

i’m adjusting well to the new job. love it. and i’m still on top of cooking all the meals for the week on sunday so that we have healthy meals for the week. we are i’d say 60 percent successful in eating close to the source and we’ve completely cut meat. yeah, i read the book “eating.animals” and there is no turning back for me now. i’m finding that i get profound satisfaction from cooking for and feeding my family, something that wasn’t modeled for me as a child. my mom cooked *maybe* once a month and we ate fast food for most dinners. it’s important to us that we sit together for meals and so far it’s been one of our most successful accomplishments with the kids. they appreciate shabbat on fridays and they are mostly respectful through sit down meals. they are good eaters, too. (they didn’t appreciate my zucchini soup tonight, but hey, it’s an acquired taste.)

things are coming together. we are getting  grasp. we are laughing and crying at all of it because really, it’s nuts. whenever people come over to our house they ring the bell, the dogs are barking, the kid are screaming, the house is a mess…and hey, that’s us. i’m having to let go of my OCD and deal with messy house, dirty dishes in the sink at bedtime, and things on the rug. i think we are learning how to be a family. stretching and growing, nudging and yelling, saying sorry and laughing at the messes we make.

hi. we are the VR clan. we are nuts. and we like us that way!

chickens

in my dream we were allowed to have chickens in our backyard and i was so happy.

pre-waking, i came up with an idea that i’m sure someone else has already come up with but before coffee it was like an epiphany. is there a way to make a garden on wheels? so that i can roll it to the sunny part of the driveway in the summer? because our backyard is all shade.

oh yes, kiko’s IEP. it went well. i wasn’t there but lani was able to advocate for him to get all the services he needs and also a bx eval. oh see how i am? i have to write behavior so much in my job that i use the therapist shorthand mostly. (tx= therapy. hx= history. dx=diagnostic.) so kiko will be moving to an integrated pre-school classroom in the bps very soon. that way he will have special ed teachers who will better understand his very specific needs around structure and control. yay, mommy for being pushy and neurotic about our kids in the school system!

kyiz is obesessed with ani difranco. i feel a little guilty about all the brainwashing i’ve done but it does seem to be a genuine kind of love of loud mouth/music.

kiko is now the proud owner of a drum set. purchased on a whim as the toysrkillingus store was having a close out sale and everything was 70 percent off. my theory: give kiko something to bang on other than his sister. it’s working because, as you know, music therapy works. however, the drums are now in the basement and if kids wanna play them they must take a trip downstairs … mwahhahahahaha. see how smart i am!

ok. going to prep the talapia for dinner since lani has class tonight and i’m on my own with the band (they have named their band “BE SCARED!” a mishearing of our suggestion of K Squared. but i think “be scared” is more appropriate anyways).

fish tacos, anyone?

photo posted from my iPhone

checkin in

wow. i check out for a few days and 2 of my fav blogfamilies are preggers with their second kiddos!!! CONGRATS we are fambly and chronicles of conception !!!!!!

tomorrow i start my new job. i feel pretty ready – just bummed it’s MLK day. my kids and wifey are off and gonna do some cool stuff and i sure do wish i could be with them.

it’s been a bit rough over here in the vr. as a new year’s resolution, i decided to take better care of myself. i’m really good about getting the kids where they need to be and what they need, mostly good at doing those things for my wife, and then, somehow i’m last on the list. i’ve been having some chronic pain for almost a year now that i’ve chalked up to getting old. i finally made an appointment with my pcp who was pretty confused about why i waited to long to tell her about all this achiness and swelling. my response, “i just don’t have time.” so they did a ton of bloodwork and what came up was a vitamin D deficiency. which goes hand in hand with fibromyalgia. so, that’s pretty much the dx. off to the rheumatologist i go. no, wait. not so quick. can’t get an appt. with her till APRIL! i’ll be 38 by then!!! oy.

meanwhile, i hurt my neck some sortofway and also have a slipped disk in my neck. i’ve been pretty much immobile all week. i finally got some flex.oril for the pain which pretty much just puts me to sleep. so – not really helpful for my workweek.

i’m excited about my job but i admit, i’ve been whining and crying all week about being exhausted and wanting to stay home for a while. i feel like even with the kids in school all day there is SO much to do!!! i think, though, that a lot of it is anxiety about starting a new job. i actually LIKE my work, i just feel tired right now. and really, i think fibro is just a symptom of my complete exhaustion.

we decided to talk about a plan for me to be able to stay at home in the next couple of years. especially since our next go round will be an infant. and i haven’t ruled out trying to get preggers again (and all you people get BFPs are not helping!!! but i just want to get my license (lmhc) first because i feel like if i don’t do it now it’s never gonna happen.

in other news, we are moving toward being a family of locavores. i managed to cook the whole weeks worth of meals today, of which i’d say 90% is locally grown/made foods. the movie food inc. really hit me hard – not that i didn’t already know this stuff was going on but wow. so, it’s a process to become unprocessed. i cleaned out the fridge and freezer today which felt really good and it’s now sticked with fresh foods for the week. i prepped the weeks meals so that we aren’t tempted to eat out or eat junk because it’s quicker and we are tired. we also purged a lot LOT LOT! of things in our home this past week and had a couple of garage sales. we still have a lot to sell or give away but it feels really good to be moving out the clutter.

and i’m trying REALLY hard to take care of myself. and yell at the kids less. and lose weight.and read more.

oh – and i’m trying to get the kids geared up about our garden this summer. and we are filling out our application for the local CSA. and while i’m doing all of this you have to wonder, does it matter? are the kids *really* getting it? will it make a difference in their choices later in life? these kids who come home from school at age 3 asking to watch hannah.montana….? today in a moment of disbelief at something my daughter said, i looked at lani and said, “that’s it, they are going to private school!!!” but we are HUGE believers in public school. lani teaches in public school for that matter. and not that we could ever even afford to send our kids to private school, i just got a little bit freaked out, my kids are getting bigger every day. their biggest insult to each other is to say, “you aren’t gonna get to go to kindergarten!” school. it’s such a big deal. registering kyiz for kindergarten this week i almost cried. am i making the right choices for her, the right school (it’s a lottery so it’s totally out of my hands)???? it all feels like such a track that you get on and then get off at college ……. felt like signing over her whole lifetime of education – which it obviously isn’t. but it was a big deal for me.

and wednesday we go to kiko’s IEP meeting. his eval showed that he would do best in an intergrated pre-school classroom, so, we have the option to move him from where he is now into a bps K0 slot (K0 is boston public school pre-school). he’d get a lot more services and help. there would be more structure. it would be good for him. and then this other part of me wants to put him in some hippiedippie school the focus would be only on his strengths and he wouldn’t need an IEP because he’d just get to drum all day. i guess underneath it all, i have fear that the instituation of school is somehow gonna beat the spirits out of my kids over time.

i’m rambling. thanks for reading.

I’m getting good at knots!

Not the parting part, though

photo posted from my iPhone

yes, her mama did her braids :)

yes, her mama did her braids

Originally uploaded by orangeros

PLEASE … PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!!!

if you like my kids’ clothes, please buy the ones they’ve outgrown (for cheap) on ebay so that i can be all done with posting them.

thanks.

appaman clover ski jacket sz 4, hanna andersson clog boots sz 25(8), hanna andersson buttondown shirt sz 2, zutano dress sz 3/4, hanna coat pink with yellow flowers sz 100 (4), appaman star t shirt 24 months, appaman bulldog tee sz 2, mino boden microphone t sz 2, hanna organic cotton green striped jammies sz 80….anything else you want? lemme know.

i will make your heart melt. or else.

i will make your heart melt. or else.

Originally uploaded by orangeros

back to reality

hi all!

glad to be back in the blogging know.  we were certainly WAY out of touch with reality for the past week, especially since it snowed about 2 feet while we were in maine. we were literally snowed in for a couple of days there. but not to worry: we had hot cocoa, wine, and all kinds of yummies. just in time to add more weight for me to lose this year!

the kids did pretty well considering there was absolutely no structure to the day – we didn’t even get out of jammies most days. they got a little stir crazy toward the end, but, who wouldn’t.

the house was gorgeous. we all had our own rooms and bathrooms! there was a fenced in yard for the pups. the house overlooked a huge (frozen) lake and the views from the floor to ceiling windows in the livingroom were fabulously relaxing. we can’t wait to go back again – maybe in summer (though it will be way more expensive) or fall.

and now it is the new year. i am back at work for the last week. i took a new job at another agency and so i’m wrapping up my cases this week. it’s bittersweet since i love the kids i work with … and … i’m really looking forward to working at this new agency because it is one for which i have a ton of respect. but before i start my new job, i have a WHOLE WEEK OFF!!!!! i’m planning to do a lot of organzining around the house. and reading, something i started doing again in maine and remembered how much i enjoy it!

since i’m at work i can’t post the pics from maine, but they’ll be up soon enough. meanwhile, we are still unpacking, getting life back together, and incorporating our resolutions.

wishing you all a happy new year!!!!