well. we made it through christmas madness. not that it wasn’t wonderful – our first christmas, but, the tree is down and the decorations are packed away for next year. there is packing to do for our trip to maine on monday and i just am too OCD to leave the house covered in pine needles.

the kids had a blast. the big hit was the fact that the reindeer ate their salad we left outside for them. bebe and pops sent the jackpot gifts (leapster2 and a scooter) while i was thrilled to be able to win the argument mama and i were having about whether or not to return the trunkis in the last 5 minutes of gift opening. it was so last minute that the trunkis were actually in the trunk, still in the box, unwrapped because i was sent to return them. but after seeing what a blast kyiz was having with her rolling penguin backpack, mommy gave in and i was sent out to get the stuff that the “reindeer dropped on the way in…” yes, they are expensive – which was why i was being forced to take them back – but omg! they are SO cute and fun!

other hits were the glo doodle. the glo station. the walkie talkies. and anything wonderpets. mommy and mama didn’t put the easel together until today so, that was a late hit.

after opening presents we headed out for dim sum – which to our surprise, the kids LOVED! and headed home for looooong naps. we made it out last night to see the alvin and the chipmunks movie. was cute. kyiz sat through the whole thing. twas kiko’s first movie and though he did well for a good while, he melted down about 3/4 of the way through. we spent some time in the lobby running around. not bad since it was at legacy – aka as the nicest movie theatre EVER.

today is all about resting and cleaning up the mess. getting in a place where we can actually see what we have and pack it. we are gonna try to stay unplugged for the majority of this trip, so we are bringing lots of games and books. the house we are renting is pretty much in the middle of nowhere maine. we will be close enough to the camden snow bowl for some taboggoning and sledding, but for the most part it’s gonna be lots of reading, cooking, movie watching, game playing and picture taking (for me, hopefully).i’m even going to the library tomorrow to get a couple of books!

i hope you are all having a happy holiday season! see you in 2010!!!!!!

xo

kyiz has puffs

photo posted from my iPhone

i feel like i’ve hit a wall. the adoption and then the party and then thanksgiving followed by hanukkah and then kiko’s birthday and then christmas 4 days later……….is it horrible to say i’m sick of it all?

we have a trip planned for the 28th-4th in a house in the woods in maine. hopefully we will be unplugged and blanketed in snow. but until then i just can’t catch up. i’ve been in a training for 6 days and my case load has suffered. i have TONS of paperwork to do for work, not to mention write thank you cards for the various celebratory gifts. holiday cards? HA! not gonna happen this year. please don’t be offended.

people keep suggesting to me that i go down to part time …. it’s been floating around in the back of my head…maybe working part time and teaching MAPP and doing other fee for service from home. i don’t think it’s anything we can afford right now but i fear for my health at this point. i’m so exhausted. maybe i’ll have a different perspective after the holiday and the trip to maine. because we want an infant, i’m thinking that i should wait to cut my hours back until we are placed with one. thinking i should work while i can.

in other news: esteban is getting big. and he’s a bad kitty. he claws and bites! and wrestles with the dogs! kyiz is the only one he will behave for.

i love the look on kiko’s face in this picture. i can almost get a glimpse of what he’ll look like as a teen.

and again, this time with (feeling) elf hats!

kyiz thrilled with her michael “jaskin” shirt on the first night of hunukkah

kiko wearing his menorah hat from grandma and papa

kyiz and her menorah hat

grandma, papa, kyiz, and kiko – forst hanukkah 2009

Sayonara Tee by Tea Collection 19.50 (check for coupon codes – i found one for 10% off but now i can’t find it again)

runner up…

Appaman Graffiti Truck long sleeve is on sale at Chasing Fireflies for 24.99 (steal!)

merry christmas to kiko

thanks to LISA RIGBY for being one fabulous photographer!

http://www.lisarigbyphotography.com/slideshow/Nov202009/

i’ve decided (like some other moms of adopted biracial children) to make it my new mission in life. i’ve decided to research it to death. i’ve decided to take back my parental rights. i’ve decided to take this one head on – no pun intended. yes. me. *I* am going to learn how to braid and style my daughter’s hair.

it all started on the wednesday before thanksgiving. well, actually, it all started two weeks ago when my previously happy-to-be-nappy daughter began having tantrums in the care every morning because she wanted braids “like briana.” so i called the person who did her braids a while back – the ones she hated and wouldn’t sleep on – and asked if we could come in on wednesday. so, there i was, checking my kid out of school to go get her hair braided. when i mentioned our hair date to the teacher, she sighs, “thank god!” apparently my daugher’s hair was the talk of the classroom one morning. apparently another mother in her class told the teacher that she should suggest letting this mother braid kyiz’s hair. i stood there feeling so guilty. like i had done my daugher a huge disservice. here i was loving her tight little curls and so proud that we had – for the time being – been able to instill a sense of pride in her about her hair. “mama! i LOVE my curls” she would say at night time when i’d run my fingers through her soft, cotton candy hair. meanwhile, as i learned later that day, i’ve been silently judged by other mom’s in the AA community where my daughter goes to school. and even by my co-workers! yeah! i gathered all my black co-workers into my office and with my hands flying around in the air and all the emphaticness that i could muster, i demanded the Truth: “WHAT ARE YOU ALL NOT TELLING ME ABOUT MY KIDS’ HAIR???????”

and boy, did i get earfuls.

some women were gentle with me. claiming that i am doing a great job and that our kids’ hair looks “fine.” while a few others flat oout said to me that my daughter’s hair looks like we don’t really take care of it. and no matter how many times i explained the WE DO brush it out and finger comb it and use the fanciest BEST shampoos and conditioners, they were not easily persuaded. the just shook their pretty, every-hair-in-it’s -place heads and said, “you will just never understand, shawn, because you are white.

and then suddenly, my daughter’s head of curls became a conversation about race, class, and hair politics. it was explained to me that no matter what i do, the AA community will probably find something wrong with my kids’ hair. just because i’m white. they told me stories from when they were young girls of relaxers and hot combs, tears, and braids. hair is status and i needed to learn this. and if i DIDN’T learn this, my daughter will be made fun of. ESPECIALLY because she has dark skin (which already leaves her hanging on a lower rung on the statud later according to my black co-workers). i know this is still a popular belief considering the fact that before L and i came along, there was an AA couple interested in fostering to adopt our kids. upon meeting them, they explained to the social worker that they would not be moving forward with visits due to the fact that kyiz skin was “too dark.”

as a white mom of these two beautiful bi-racial kids, i feel like i can’t say anything – i’m not black. i have no right to comment on a culture that is not mine. but the tricky part (for me) is that my kids aren’t able to voice what it is they want, with their hair or more deeply, their culture. they are 3. and as their parent, i make executive decisions regarding such things as, religion, toys, and yes, HAIR. my choices are mostly informed by what i know about AA culture (which i’d say is more than the average white person), word of mouth, and internet research. but regardless of how much i learn, my choices are still WHITE choices made for my BLACK kids.

i was pointed toward an article about zahara jolie-pitt’s hair which then opened up a whole blog world to me about AA hair politics. i’ve been reading every chance i get. i’ve been thinking and talking to L and some friends. i just can’t stop wondering, WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO DO RIGHT BY MY BLACK KIDS? at what point do i just stop caring what other people think?

here i was at work, telling my AA coworkers that i don’t understand why i should keep my daughter’s hair impeccable – braided or not. that i just love her little curls. at which point a coworker interjected, “those aren’t curls, those are KINKS and they are not considered pretty to most black people…” oh.

but then we have a couple of friends who seem to be from a different school of thought. those AA friends who have locs or a big unruly ‘fro. kinds of hairdos that make me excited because i imagine my daugher with a big head of crazy nappiness and it makes me wanna giggle with joy. i wanna see her strong, proud, and WILD SPIRITED (even better if she had a guitar in hand).  i don’t want her to fall into the hair trap BUT/AND  i recognize that it’s not my right to make her hair what i want it to be because of what my associations are with wild and crazy hair. it’s obviously her choice. but don’t i have to start now? will she resent me one day if all of her childhood photos are of her wild nappy hair when really it was what *I* wanted. but then, isn’t that every adult and every kid???? they do what *I* want till they can say what it is they want. but she wouldn’t even know it’s an option to have a ‘fro if we don’t give her all the options now!

and then it all boils down to……we will always be the ignorant white parents……………

or will we?

NO!

i will not. so here i go. you are gonna see me learn my kid’s hair as best as any white mom can. and i’m gonna post ALL about it.